Epicureans of voracious appetites are known for the extremes that they will endure for a tasty snack, a beautiful beverage or other victual and comestible of note. None can compare, however, with the famous French gastronome M. Teddié de Tallenten whose appetites were known from Marseille to Saint-Pouding-sur-Désert as unrivalled. He would seek out rare meats and scarce scents wherever they might be found, from gulping down monograpes he wrestled from the one gorge they grow in the Amazon to bartering with a monk in Nepal for the tears of an albino snow leopard to add to a cocktail. But the more he hunted and the more he ate, the less his hungers were satiated. Enlisting the forgeworks run by the monks of the Abbaye Saint Nicola-de-Croquet, a new trulkological device, the Tallentenator, was invented which might detect flavours in the wind, analyse pollens and scout hither and thither for the most delectable of treats for this rather hungry chap. Teddié was delighted when on its first mission it came trulking back with a fabulous cheese from an alpine dairy known only to local farmers called Langueseductrice. With few hunks of bread he chomped the whole hunk, rind, cloche and all, in less than dix secondes. He hungered for the taste of it so much, he cut off and gobbled down his tongue to make sure he left no traces unsavored.
Pootlejagger
Careering down the road in a cloud of dust and the parping of tootlehorns comes Sir Holden Paramount on his brand new pootlejagger. This is not just any pootlejagger but the latest model from the forge works of Cansom Habby Carriages which specialise in flashy little numbers like this one - the perfect means of transportation for getting out into the country and other transcontinental dashes. It has all the latest navigational devices inbuilt as well as plenty of space for luggage, a canopy to keep one dry and all manner of other gizmos, whizmos, cocktail makers and fax machines.
Classicidesker
For travelling adventurer-scholars like the renowned classicist Professor Posey-Jarker of Cowpuddle University, one requires just the right place to undertake one’s studies. That’s where this customised Classicidesker comes in, apportioned with bookshelves and drawers, a finely appointed desk all with good lighting. Whether one is residing by an archaeological dig along the Tiber or lolloping through the elysian fields towards Mount Olympus, all must be in order to keep pumping out those books and journal articles ** sighs, modern academia **.
Cocktailder
The rip-roaring twenties are here with all their zingzazzling lustre. The music is smooth and the light is low. Hustle along to your Cocktailder and mix or swish or shake or stir your own delightful drop o’ cocktail. Perhaps a Sea Captain’s Salty Shanty, or a Magamothian Mintaloon. If you have ants in your pants, than cure it with a Anteater Showdown, best chased down with a Bumblebee Spritz.
Gyraphatrulker
The botanical explorer Captain Gustopher was always in hunt of new and rare plant specimens. Forests, woods, rainforest, thickets, copses all with their varied canopies drew him thither and thither. He loved a pretty orchid, or a flowering bodadapheropler. He had personally found more than one thousand new species all of which he named with the help of “Baskington’s Bumper Baby Names Book” thus around the world there were new species called the Yellow Spotted Gwendolen and the Red Tinged Hermione, florists were always in search of a Brittle-Leafed Hubert and the Royal Society of Botanical Adventurers was green with envy for his discovery of the Turquoise Rumpled Georgiana. All of this was of course made much easier with the help of ‘Giffy’ his specially adapted Gyraphatrulker which enabled him to inspect canopies of even the highest Burtlebark trees or the most diminutive Caroolian Shrub.
Optitoggler
Dr Teareseus Jaandle was famous throughout all the land as the foremost sightmonger, whose spectacleforging and optitgoogling (optometry in common parlance) were renowned near and far. However, he made a rather shortsighted business decision by building his sightmongery shop on the side of a great volcano, Mount Edna. As volcanoes are want to do when they are angry it belched forth great sulphorous burps of magma and rather pongy gases. Poor Dr Jaandle rather lost it all as everything from his surgery to his corn and kidney sandwich neatly wrapped up in brown grease paper lovingly prepared for his luncheon was melted or burnt to ash. How his tears flowed as he lamented his foolery and loss. But his bespectacled friends pitched together and out of the ashes, and much tinkering at the Noscot forgeworks, a new and marvellous thing an Optitoggler. Better than a stationary shop, this movable marvel (which had more than a passing resemblance to old Jaandle himself) was able to toddle off here and there to wherever the poorly sighted reposed. Jaandle’s reputation soared and swooped on the dizzy heights of fame among all the speccyfolk of the land. Remaining humble, Jaandle however never lost sight of the simple fact that he was a silly baboon for having built his shop on the side of a smoking crater full of molten hot-stuff, which is why with all his newfound wealth, he built his retirement home in the middle of a vast dried riverbed. He couldn’t see what would go wrong there.
Tobitrotter
Do your friends, sweethearts and mortal enemies rove hither and thither, up and down dale and around and around? The clever boffins of the Bocrumble Forgeworks in the village of Little Osneeze have devised this clever homing device which detects scents on the wind of those whom are being hunted and shows their position on the global-pointery-stickwhizzle (illustrated). The lamps illuminate brilliantly when the quarry is within at least 12 and 3/7 miles. It was named for the adventuring butterfly-collecting husband, Tobi Von Creamy of the Forgeworks proprietress Jazza Knighthorn (a famed naturalist in her own right, with the largest collection of rare beaded lizards). The inspiration, and indeed, necessity for such a homing device came on account of a terrifying misadventure in the deepest darkest jungles of Perugia when Tobi was hunting for Yellow Rittwing Flappers (a rare form of moth) and almost fell afoul of brutish Butterfly poachers keen on depriving him of his specimens who ensnared him and left him tied to the trunk of a tree in nothing but his purple striped boxer-shorts. He was only saved by the ingenuity of the intrepid Jazza and her Tobitrotter. You can now purchase your own in a range of three gorgeous colours.
Bucephaloptor
Sweeping out his sword in one magisterial swish, General Wasselt Chumpollion signalled the charge over the hill with his regiment - the Queen’s Mounted Rustlers - roaring up on his rear. He cut a dashing figure mounted up on his brightly painted war bucephaloptor (from the Amament Forgeworks of Dimlico). Truth be told it was his first real battle, a minor scuffle with a rowdy band of upset piemongers protesting the new Pie-Tax in the market square of his local town notwithstanding. He was the latest in a proud line of warriors, although none so illustrious as his great-grandfather Marlington Chumpollion, the Victor of the Battle of Penheim, for whom a grateful King and nation had bestowed a lovely garden pavilion and rose garden. And so this mighty line was once again called upon for frightful combat in service of a worthy cause. Rounding over the rise, Wasselt and his regiment came face to face with their enemies - the lawless Custard Smugglers bringing ashore barrels of the untaxed hot-stuff.
